The Benefits Of Climate Change

We think the effects of climate change are awful. Combating our seemingly inevitable slide into chaos is unquestionably the greatest challenge any generation has faced in a thousand years.

But never let it be said that we're not even handed in our analysis. There are two sides to every story, so pour yourself a nice glass of water (while you still can), strap in and come with us on a journey through the looking glass as we explore:

THE POSITIVE EFFECTS OF A CHANGING CLIMATE

Welcome to 2168, everything we thought might go wrong back in the first half of the 21st century has totally gone wrong. The temperature has risen and so has the water levels. Ironically though, the availability of drinkable water has plummeted. There are more fires, the deserts have expanded, the desserts aren't as nice and we all watched as the last polar bear sunk beneath the churning waves as the ice caps melted away to nothing. We still don't know why no one actually helped the poor thing.

BUT SOME THINGS ARE A LOT BETTER NOW.

For one thing there are areas of higher ground that are going from strength to strength. They may only be the pointy tops of mountains surrounded by dirty, fetid water but boy is their agricultural industry thriving. They can grow stuff up there that they'd never even dreamt of back at the start of the millennium. Lucky devils. Greenland is having a field day too. It's the perfect climate there now, they're having a ball. And don't talk to us about our sour orange trees production - those things eat climate change for breakfast. If you were worried the heat was going to make Vitamin C a thing of the past then you can rest easy. We've got you covered for that one specific fruit. Boom!

And remember when winter used to claim the lives of vulnerable elderly people? Well today's elders don't give that kind of thing a second thought. They can relax and devote their dotage to more exhilarating pursuits - like fighting over a dwindling water supply and avoiding the Petrol Pirates that sail up and down our former motorways.

What else? There's an ice-free Northwest Passage now, providing a wonderful shipping shortcut between the Pacific and the Atlantic oceans. Icebergs aren't really a concern anymore, so if the movie Titanic happened now, Leo and Kate would be happily steaming up car windscreens for the foreseeable future. And Kate wouldn't have had to share her floating door.

(we should have got that polar bear a floating door too - still can't get my head around the fact we let it drown)

Yeah, here in 2168 we've really got it made in the shade (whatever that is). You name it - increased plankton biomass, bigger marmots and more chinstrap penguins (we know, it was a surprise to us too). Life here is pretty sweet.

We wouldn't change a thing.

We can't change a thing.

But YOU could if you wanted to...

 

...please?